So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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