a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
