I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
