Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
