Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
