I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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