I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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