dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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