i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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