So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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