I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
