i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
