Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
