Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
