I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
