happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are we still banned from the library?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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