Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
