so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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