therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
