When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize