and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
