Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize