Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
