just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
