Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
