I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just tell him i said nine months
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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