Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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