Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
