I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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