Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
