actually, I'm a sock model
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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