I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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