Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
