just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
