We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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