finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
