i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
