we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize