I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
