Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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