Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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