12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
