the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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