peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
