He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
