walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
