Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
