I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
