Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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