Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
