guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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