I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
