She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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