Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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