Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
