I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
