I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
