bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
