i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
