I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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