Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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