she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
