you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
