I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
