You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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