hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
