do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
